PARIS, FRANCE — French President Emmanuel Macron has proudly unveiled a revolutionary new solution to the Middle East conflict: the “Instant Palestine! Build-a-Country Kit.”

Marketed as “As Seen on UN TV!”, the kit includes everything a budding non-nation needs to join the community of nations: a made-in-China flag, a wad of Monopoly money, a tiny Hamas action figure, a DIY concrete checkpoint, and a postage stamp labeled “Return to Sender.”

Clad in a freshly starched lab coat reading “Statehood Engineer,” Macron beamed during a dramatic demonstration at the Élysée Palace.

“Gone are the days of messy things like borders, functioning economies, or even a central government,” Macron explained while pointing to the glossy starter box. “Now, any loosely affiliated political entity with enough victim points and viral hashtags can achieve statehood by simply applying this affordable, UN-certified, 5-piece kit!”

He then dramatically removed the lid to the kit and proclaimed, “Voilà! Peace!”

“All Symbolism, No Substance” — Critics Say

Critics, including every sane diplomat on the planet and several confused postmen, were quick to question the contents — or lack thereof.

“There’s no currency, no exports, no airspace control, and the flag smells like lead-based paint,” noted one Israeli official. “Also, the ‘Hamas action figure’ is fully armed and shouts anti-Semitic slogans when you pull the string. So that’s fun.”

EU Leaders Applaud While Reading Labels Upside Down

Macron’s latest foreign policy innovation has earned standing ovations from fellow European leaders, many of whom have already ordered deluxe kits for “Palestine 2.0: East Berlin Edition.” Germany has asked whether they can “get it gift-wrapped in time for UN General Assembly Week.”

Meanwhile, Spain offered to print commemorative postage stamps but admitted it hadn’t yet figured out where to send them.

“Let the People… Pretend!”

In a speech that critics say “should’ve come with a clown horn,” Macron claimed that the move wasn’t just about geopolitics.

“This is about imagination,” he said. “If we feel strongly enough that something should exist, then facts, maps, logistics, and history must step aside. This is the France of feelings!”

He then placed the “Palestine” flag sticker over an old map of the Ottoman Empire and muttered, “Fixed it.”

U.S. Ambassador: “You Can’t Just LARP a State Into Existence”

U.S. Ambassador to France Charles Kushner responded by sending Macron a strongly worded letter, followed by a “Countryhood for Dummies” manual.

“Macron’s kit is missing some fairly important components,” Kushner said. “Like a constitution, a border agreement, or a working government not run by guys in ski masks.”

He added, “It’s like trying to declare Wakanda as a real country just because people keep hashtagging it.”

Breaking: Macron Nominated for Participation Trophy Peace Prize

The Nobel Peace Committee has reportedly placed Macron on the shortlist for “Most Well-Intentioned Symbolic Gesture of the Year.” Sources say he narrowly beat out Justin Trudeau’s TikTok apology dance and a UN panel discussion hosted by Greta Thunberg’s sock puppet.

Editor’s Note:
The “Palestine Starter Kit” is not available in stores. Side effects may include diplomatic confusion, regional instability, and spontaneous combustion of common sense.